Express your love!

I know what you’re thinking: “But I do show my love! I bought her a…” Stop right there. Unfortunately, material gifts and even the amount of time and energy you spend helping go right over some women’s heads. Many women don’t truly feel loved unless they hear the “I love you” fairly frequently.

No, your wife hasn’t forgotten all the nice things you’ve done; she just thinks maybe your feelings have changed since then. Yeah, that’s right: since yesterday. See, the thing is women continually re-assess their relationships. Men tend to get comfortable and assume if there are no fights, then everything’s dandy. That’s exactly how so many guys get blindsided by break ups introduced with “Honey, we need to talk.”

So go ahead and tell her in so many words that you love her. If you have a hard time saying it, write a little note and slip it in her wallet or stick it on the bathroom mirror. If that’s still a little to awkward for you, make a point of thanking her for something routine like making dinner or acknowledging something she’s done well.

Listen!

Imagine starting an important conversation with your wife only to notice her staring into space as you talk. Wouldn’t you feel a little rejected? This is the same situation a lot of women face with their boyfriends or husbands, who often don’t even notice they’re spacing out. When you’re wife talks, try to put aside what you’re doing and really listen.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have some quiet time to yourself, though. Whether you’re trying to finish a report for work the next day or just want to watch the game, if you gently explain that you’d rather have the chat at a later time, a real lady will give you your space.

Use honesty wisely!

As much as we may want to believe honesty is the best policy, anyone with a little life experience will tell you it isn’t always. While outright lies are a no-no, a little tact and diplomacy can go a long way towards keeping peace in the house.

What that means is the correct answer to “Do I look fat in this?” is not “No, you look 10 pounds lighter,” but something like “Can’t say. You look good to me no matter what you wear.” Sound corny? Try it sometime and I bet you’ll like the result.

Being tactful doesn’t mean you should keep quite about things that really bother you, though. It’s better to bring problems to light in than let your resentment simmer and risk blowing up at her one day.

When both partners are willing have a little patience and keep an open mind, love relationships don’t have to been filled with frustration and drama. Get some good relationship advice for men, from the right source and your relationships should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Communication is the life-blood of a relationship. Problems with communication in relationships are so common that no matter how great you and your sweetheart get along, you’re bound to run into some miscommunication somewhere. The good news is, with the right approach, these problems usually fairly easy to solve.

Bridge the gender divide!

Men and women approach relationships in distinctly different ways. Without and open mind, it’s all too easy to write the opposite gender off as “illogical” or even start thinking of their differences as childish or petty. The fact is neither gender is perfectly logical. Taking some time to learn about exactly how the opposite gender looks at love matters can help you avoid a lot of problems in relationships.

Listen thoughtfully!

Don’t forget that you’re one half of the communication problem. When you’ve been together for a while, you might start to think you know what your partner is going to say. Unless you have ESP, though, you’ll get a lot farther by actually hearing your partner out. When sweetie tells you something, restate what they said to make sure you understood correctly and let them know you heard.

Release the need for blame!

When one of you has a problem, the relationship has a problem and it’s in both your best interests to work it out peacefully.

Instead of going around in circles trying to decide whose fault it is, focus on how you’re going to solve it. Likewise, try to avoid blaming your partner for your overall mood. Specific issues like “When you flirt with other people, I feel rejected.” are fine, but sweeping statements like “You make me miserable.” or “You stress me out.” are taking it too far.

Stick to the facts!

When trying to talk over problems in relationships, don’t bring up any thing you can’t prove. Instead, stay with what can’t be argued like your own feelings and what your partner already agrees they do. For example, saying “You disrespected me in front of my friends.” can be argued because standards of respect differ. On the other hand, saying “I was embarrassed when you told Dave you don’t think I should ask for a raise.” is not only unarguable, but also gets your point across more clearly.

Be frank, but kind!

You’re not doing anyone any favors by taking a “put up and shut up” attitude to problems in relationships. All you end up doing is allowing wounds to fester and they can eventually reach the point where they’ll never heal at all. Instead, speak your mind when you have a problem, but do so with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Remember, your partner probably isn’t trying to hurt or annoy you and may be pretty upset to hear you’re unhappy.

Be a friend, not a coach!

Chances are, your partner isn’t with you because they’re hoping you can correct all their bad habits and personality flaws. You’re not their parent, teacher, coach, or boss. You’re their friend and lover.

You may think you’re giving constructive criticism, but your partner might think your love or respect for them has diminished because of this one little flaw they have. Instead of criticizing, encourage improvement by giving your partner some positive feedback when they do something you really like.

There, that doesn’t sound too hard, does it? These techniques may be simple, but the really do work to solve communication problems in relationships. Give them a try.

Back From the Brink — Save Your Relationship from Ending in Divorce with Marriage Counseling

If your once happy marriage is now on the brink of divorce, you’re not alone! Perhaps your wife just won’t let go of a painful conflict from the past and constantly throws it in your face.  Or maybe the pair of you can’t even talk through a disagreement without it escalating into a full blown verbal meltdown.  Worst yet you or your wife, or both, may have had an affair.  All of these issues fester like an open wound in your marriage until there only seems to be one solution: cut your losses and run.  There is hope though, and your relationship can be rescued from the brink of disaster.  The solution is marriage counseling.

Now, you might be thinking: “Marriage counseling is a crock!”

Fair enough.  While it is true that marriage counseling often has a negative image associated with it, the reality is that it has saved many relationships from ending in divorce.  The problem lies in the fact that many couples don’t do their homework when it comes to choosing the right marriage counselor.  When you’re dealing with a life changing issue like trying to save your relationship, it’s important to put the same thought and care into finding the right therapist as you did in finding your wife.

Remember, all marriage counselors are not created equal.  One of the biggest keys to successful counseling is finding a therapist that “feels right” for both of you.  If one of you feels like the counselor is siding with the other, then the therapy is doomed from the start.  You need a counselor that is capable of remaining completely impartial.  They also must be able to establish mutual trust between the three of you.

The second key to successful marriage counseling is to give it a chance.  This seems like common sense but too many couples go into therapy with the mindset that it isn’t going to work.  Keeping an open mind about the process is crucial to saving your relationship.

Look, your troubled marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce.  Many relationship issues can be resolved by finding a marriage counselor that will help guide you both back from the brink.  Just remember, even the best counselor in the world can’t save a couple that refuses to be saved.  Commit to the process, keep an open mind and your marriage will soon be well on the way to recovery.