Express your love!

I know what you’re thinking: “But I do show my love! I bought her a…” Stop right there. Unfortunately, material gifts and even the amount of time and energy you spend helping go right over some women’s heads. Many women don’t truly feel loved unless they hear the “I love you” fairly frequently.

No, your wife hasn’t forgotten all the nice things you’ve done; she just thinks maybe your feelings have changed since then. Yeah, that’s right: since yesterday. See, the thing is women continually re-assess their relationships. Men tend to get comfortable and assume if there are no fights, then everything’s dandy. That’s exactly how so many guys get blindsided by break ups introduced with “Honey, we need to talk.”

So go ahead and tell her in so many words that you love her. If you have a hard time saying it, write a little note and slip it in her wallet or stick it on the bathroom mirror. If that’s still a little to awkward for you, make a point of thanking her for something routine like making dinner or acknowledging something she’s done well.

Listen!

Imagine starting an important conversation with your wife only to notice her staring into space as you talk. Wouldn’t you feel a little rejected? This is the same situation a lot of women face with their boyfriends or husbands, who often don’t even notice they’re spacing out. When you’re wife talks, try to put aside what you’re doing and really listen.

That doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to have some quiet time to yourself, though. Whether you’re trying to finish a report for work the next day or just want to watch the game, if you gently explain that you’d rather have the chat at a later time, a real lady will give you your space.

Use honesty wisely!

As much as we may want to believe honesty is the best policy, anyone with a little life experience will tell you it isn’t always. While outright lies are a no-no, a little tact and diplomacy can go a long way towards keeping peace in the house.

What that means is the correct answer to “Do I look fat in this?” is not “No, you look 10 pounds lighter,” but something like “Can’t say. You look good to me no matter what you wear.” Sound corny? Try it sometime and I bet you’ll like the result.

Being tactful doesn’t mean you should keep quite about things that really bother you, though. It’s better to bring problems to light in than let your resentment simmer and risk blowing up at her one day.

When both partners are willing have a little patience and keep an open mind, love relationships don’t have to been filled with frustration and drama. Get some good relationship advice for men, from the right source and your relationships should be smooth sailing from here on out.

Communication is the life-blood of a relationship. Problems with communication in relationships are so common that no matter how great you and your sweetheart get along, you’re bound to run into some miscommunication somewhere. The good news is, with the right approach, these problems usually fairly easy to solve.

Bridge the gender divide!

Men and women approach relationships in distinctly different ways. Without and open mind, it’s all too easy to write the opposite gender off as “illogical” or even start thinking of their differences as childish or petty. The fact is neither gender is perfectly logical. Taking some time to learn about exactly how the opposite gender looks at love matters can help you avoid a lot of problems in relationships.

Listen thoughtfully!

Don’t forget that you’re one half of the communication problem. When you’ve been together for a while, you might start to think you know what your partner is going to say. Unless you have ESP, though, you’ll get a lot farther by actually hearing your partner out. When sweetie tells you something, restate what they said to make sure you understood correctly and let them know you heard.

Release the need for blame!

When one of you has a problem, the relationship has a problem and it’s in both your best interests to work it out peacefully.

Instead of going around in circles trying to decide whose fault it is, focus on how you’re going to solve it. Likewise, try to avoid blaming your partner for your overall mood. Specific issues like “When you flirt with other people, I feel rejected.” are fine, but sweeping statements like “You make me miserable.” or “You stress me out.” are taking it too far.

Stick to the facts!

When trying to talk over problems in relationships, don’t bring up any thing you can’t prove. Instead, stay with what can’t be argued like your own feelings and what your partner already agrees they do. For example, saying “You disrespected me in front of my friends.” can be argued because standards of respect differ. On the other hand, saying “I was embarrassed when you told Dave you don’t think I should ask for a raise.” is not only unarguable, but also gets your point across more clearly.

Be frank, but kind!

You’re not doing anyone any favors by taking a “put up and shut up” attitude to problems in relationships. All you end up doing is allowing wounds to fester and they can eventually reach the point where they’ll never heal at all. Instead, speak your mind when you have a problem, but do so with gentleness, kindness, and respect. Remember, your partner probably isn’t trying to hurt or annoy you and may be pretty upset to hear you’re unhappy.

Be a friend, not a coach!

Chances are, your partner isn’t with you because they’re hoping you can correct all their bad habits and personality flaws. You’re not their parent, teacher, coach, or boss. You’re their friend and lover.

You may think you’re giving constructive criticism, but your partner might think your love or respect for them has diminished because of this one little flaw they have. Instead of criticizing, encourage improvement by giving your partner some positive feedback when they do something you really like.

There, that doesn’t sound too hard, does it? These techniques may be simple, but the really do work to solve communication problems in relationships. Give them a try.

In 1985 Dr. Richard Gardner (M.D.) coined the phrase “parental alienation syndrome (PAS)”. Dr. Gardner defines PAS as “a childhood disorder that arises almost exclusively in the context of child-custody disputes.” Primarily it is the child’s campaign of denigration against a parent without justification. What is unique from Dr. Gardner’s perspective it that it results from the combination of parental programming or brainwashing and the child’s vilification of the target parent.

There is no PAS when true parental abuse, neglect or the witnessing of abuse, verbal or physical, is present. The child’s animosity may be justified, therefore, explaining the child’s hostile behavior as a consequence of PAS is not applicable.

PAS is only applicable when the target parent is innocent and has not exhibited abusive or neglectful behavior; or any behavior that might warrant the child’s vilification. Rather, in typical PAS cases the victimized parent is considered to have provided normal and loving parenting. At worst they exhibited minimal impairments in parental skills. PAS situations typically demonstrate exaggerated weaknesses and deficiencies. When genuine abuse does exist, then the child’s rejecting behavior is warranted and PAS is not applicable.

Parental Alienation (PA), however, refers to a variety of behaviors that may be associated with a child’s alienation from a parent. Children may become alienated because of physical abuse, sexual abuse or both. Emotional abuse by a parent may result in a child’s alienation. Children may also become alienated as because of parental abandonment. Ongoing parental disharmony, especially in the presence of physical violence, may lead children to become alienated. Gardner indicates that children may become alienated because of behavior exhibited by a parent that would be alienating to most people, e.g., narcissism, alcoholism, and antisocial behavior. Impaired or dysfunctional parenting can also cause children’s alienation. A child may be angry at the parent who initiated the divorce, believing they are solely to blame for the divorce situation. There are many other parental behaviors that can produce a child’s alienation, but none of them can be considered PAS.

Back From the Brink — Save Your Relationship from Ending in Divorce with Marriage Counseling

If your once happy marriage is now on the brink of divorce, you’re not alone! Perhaps your wife just won’t let go of a painful conflict from the past and constantly throws it in your face.  Or maybe the pair of you can’t even talk through a disagreement without it escalating into a full blown verbal meltdown.  Worst yet you or your wife, or both, may have had an affair.  All of these issues fester like an open wound in your marriage until there only seems to be one solution: cut your losses and run.  There is hope though, and your relationship can be rescued from the brink of disaster.  The solution is marriage counseling.

Now, you might be thinking: “Marriage counseling is a crock!”

Fair enough.  While it is true that marriage counseling often has a negative image associated with it, the reality is that it has saved many relationships from ending in divorce.  The problem lies in the fact that many couples don’t do their homework when it comes to choosing the right marriage counselor.  When you’re dealing with a life changing issue like trying to save your relationship, it’s important to put the same thought and care into finding the right therapist as you did in finding your wife.

Remember, all marriage counselors are not created equal.  One of the biggest keys to successful counseling is finding a therapist that “feels right” for both of you.  If one of you feels like the counselor is siding with the other, then the therapy is doomed from the start.  You need a counselor that is capable of remaining completely impartial.  They also must be able to establish mutual trust between the three of you.

The second key to successful marriage counseling is to give it a chance.  This seems like common sense but too many couples go into therapy with the mindset that it isn’t going to work.  Keeping an open mind about the process is crucial to saving your relationship.

Look, your troubled marriage doesn’t have to end in divorce.  Many relationship issues can be resolved by finding a marriage counselor that will help guide you both back from the brink.  Just remember, even the best counselor in the world can’t save a couple that refuses to be saved.  Commit to the process, keep an open mind and your marriage will soon be well on the way to recovery.

Is it possible to remain friends with your ex?

Men may or may not want to remain friends with their ex, whether girlfriend or wife, after their divorce.  They may want to remain friends because they feel they have a special connection or just enjoy being with her, but cannot remain married to her.  Remaining friends may not be possible if there are too many issues to deal with in the relationship.

It is important to remember, regardless if you stay friends with your ex-wife or not, if you have children together it is important to remain civil with her, especially in front of your children and when they may hear about what you have said or done.  You are an example for your children.  What you say and do does affect them, so it is important that they know you respect their mother, whether you agree with what she does or say.  Talk with her in private if you have issues.

Some remain friends with their ex-wives because they have children.  When children are involved things can get more complicated.  It is a wise thing to think about the children when there is a divorce.

After a divorce it may take some time for some to be around each other, depending on what happened in the divorce.  Some may never be able to be friends if there have been problems in the relationship.  It also depends on what happened that caused the divorce.  There are those who feel or believe that certain things mean any type of relationship with that person is not possible.  Some realize they are just better friends than they are husband and wife.  If that is you, then by all means, that is the way it should be.

To remain friends both parties need to be willing to be friends.  If both parties are not willing to be friends, it will not work. It will also take work for both parties to be friends.  The relationship is in a different place now, so understand what is different and how that affects the relationship is important. Another important thing to consider is what the definition of “friend” means for both parties.  Everyone has a different idea of what a friend means.

Some would say it can be hard to remain friends with your ex, especially when she may be dating one of your friends.  You want to spend time with your friends, want them happy, yet you do not want them to be uncomfortable and neither do you want to be uncomfortable.  Is your ex only friends with your friends because you introduced them and they really are not that close?  If so, you may not run into them when you hang out with your friends.

Remaining friends with an ex, wife or girlfriend, may be possible for some men, but not for all men.  Many find it is hard to remain friends, even if they want.  As long as you both know what you are trying to do, you will be a better person for it.