Trust In Relationships

By: Relationship Builder

By Michael Fehlauer

The fundamental importance of trust in relationships, and the destruction that happens when that trust is violated became a reality to me several years ago. It’s still a vivid memory; ugly and detailed accusations, followed by denials from me. I lied, got caught and our world crashed.

At this point the details aren’t important. What’s important is I had betrayed the trust of my wife, my family and my friends; as well as the trust of thousands who had put their trust in me. So much was lost. My reputation, my credibility, the vision I believe God had for our lives, and not the least of all, trust. The American Heritage Dictionary defines trust as: Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person.

I had compromised my integrity for selfish pleasure! The question is, what is necessary in restoring trust in relationships, more specifically trust in marriage? want to share just a few behaviors that help to re-establish trust. I am in no way an expert; I’m still working all of this out.

1. Talk straight. Tell the truth and leave the right impression. This involves not only being truthful about the facts, but making sure we leave a truthful impression. In other words, living in the “no spin zone.”

2. Right wrongs. Not every wrong can always be “righted”, but the ones that can, need to be.

3. Own it. Restoring trust in relationships requires both taking responsibility for our actions as well as the consequences. The temptation is to own up to what we did, but not take responsibility for the consequences of our actions. Even if the consequences are unfair, they’re still a result of our failure.

4. Give it plenty of time. Even though it takes only minutes to violate trust, it takes years to rebuild it. It is unfair to those we have hurt to try to speed up the process.

Some will never trust me again, no matter how I live the rest of my life. That’s my fault. But, to live out the rest of our lives in an honorable way has its own eternal rewards.

http://www.relationship-builder.com/your-emotional-health-and-your-relationships/

http://www.relationship-builder.com/how-to-be-happy-in-marriage/

About the Author

Michael Fehlauer has been married to Bonnie over 30 years. They have experienced both the height of success and the devastation of failure. As a result, Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie Fehlauer have a strong desire to see the same healing they have experienced happen in the lives of others. Michael Fehlauer and Bonnie Fehlauer have traveled extensively throughout the world holding marriage and family conferences.

(ArticlesBase SC #2141330)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – Trust In Relationships

By: Terry Frerker

Fighting fairly is one of the most important skills you can learn in order to keep your marriage healthy and strong. While it may first seem that fighting only happens in “bad” marriages, fighting actually happens in all marriages.

Researcher David Olson of the University of Minnesota estimates that 25% of marriages are happy. 50% of couples will never be happy without very good therapy. 30% of marriages are considered “empty”, with little love or joy. 25% of marriages could be really happy if the couples learned better how to communicate and how to resolve conflict.

It is this latter 25% that should be focused on. Learning to fight fair can be the difference between a bad fight/bad marriage and a bad fight/good marriage. You can have a bad fight but still have an overall good marriage. In fact, couples who fight productively report more marital satisfaction once the fight has ended.

What separates out the couples who fight and make up from the ones who don’t? In two words: fighting fairly.

Couples who fight fairly demonstrate several subtle, but crucial traits, that keep them from becoming overly angry and hostile. What are the traits which separate fair fighting couples from those who don’t?

1) Fair fighting couples focus on the behavior, not the person. “Honey, can you please put your dishes in the sink?” rather than, “You’re so lazy. Why can’t you put your dishes in the sink?”

2) Fair fighting couples state their requests directly. If they want their partner to behave differently, they ask for it. They are able to communicate clearly about what they desire. “Please put your dishes in the sink from now on” rather than, “I need you to change.”

3) Fair fighting couples limit their focus in arguments. Rather than “kitchen sinking” an argument (where you complain about everything at once and throw in the kitchen sink for good measure), fair fighting couples focus on one issue at a time.

4) Fair fighting couples maintain healthy respect and good nonverbal communication. The importance of good nonverbal marital communication has been highlighted by John Gottman, a well known marital researcher at the University of Washington, who has identified four behaviors leading to relationship distress. One of these behaviors is contempt. Couples who show a high degree of nonverbal contempt for each other (through behaviors like eye-rolling, avoiding eye contact, shaking their heads) are more likely to have relationship distress.

5) Fair fighting couples allow the fight to be over. One important element of fighting fairly is to let the fight be over when it’s done with. FC’s find it easy to forgive, if not forget. They do not bring up old issues again and again just to prove a point. Fair fighting couples’s take the chance to make up and reconnect at the first opportunity.

6) Fair fighting couples discuss issues sooner rather than later. They know that it’s easier to talk about an issue while it’s small, before it becomes overwhelming or leads to extreme resentment.

7) Finally, fair fighting couples focus on winning in the relationship, not on winning the fight. They remember that they are on the same team, working for the same goal, and are, really, allies rather than enemies. They keep the relationship as their main focus rather than focusing mainly on their personal ego.

Fair fighting is a skill that can learned. If more people learned to do it, it’s likely that fewer marriages would end in divorce. All marriages will have fights- it’s how you handle those fights which determines whether your marriage is a happy (or unhappy) one. Remember:

“Success in marriage does not come merely through finding the right mate, but through being the right mate.”
~~ Barnett R. Brickner

About the Author

Terry Frerker is an entrepreneur who has a one step system to success. If you would like to contact Terry for his one step sytem you may do so at hawk07@cox.net or http://Iwilltellyouhow.com

(ArticlesBase SC #38435)

Article Source: http://www.articlesbase.com/ – 7 Tips for Fighting Fairly in Marriage